I had a very bad, bad, bad weekend, let me tell you.
I have no idea how single mothers with children cope, because I find it incredibly hard when Husband is away and I suddenly have to do everything by myself. And maybe, I could manage just fine, but my baby, like a pit bull, senses my fear and turns my nights into nightmares.
As soon as the night falls, she stops being a lovely cutie pie and turns into a little monster. She knows that I never sleep well when husband is away and attacks me when I am at my weakest, so that I give in and put her into bed with me. I try to be strong, which results in both of us suffering.
In between me not sleeping from anxiety and her waking up, the total hours I get to sleep are down to zero.
So, it is not surprising that, as I lay there awake at 5:30am yesterday morning, I started imagining things. The baby was crying- again! - And I tried to calm her down, when I suddenly heard what I can only describe as a churchy kind of singing. It was beautiful, very quiet and pretty creepy.
I froze, listening hard. That’s it, I thought. All these sleepless nights and the tiredness finally turned me into a mad woman. Either I am hearing angels singing to me, or we have a ghost.
I really did not like either of those options, so I thought I would get up and start the day. So what it is inhumanely early. I got up, grabbed the baby, and looked into the landing.
My older girl’s door was open and I glanced in, to check she was alright. She lay in bed and in a dimmed light I could see her actually looking at me.
‘You okay’? I asked and she nodded. I suddenly had a glimpse of hope. There was a logical, not at all mental explanation, after all.
‘Were you just singing? ‘I asked her, praying for it to be the case, and she said yes. Thank goodness, I thought. It was her!
‘I was singing the song that Mary sang to baby Jesus to stop him crying’ she added.
Well, I wonder if it worked, I wanted to ask. Did baby Jesus shut the fuck up because nothing works on your baby sister!
As I said... bad, bad, bad weekend.