Monday, 16 June 2014

Would you be my weekend friend?


Last Friday night I drunk alone. I never really do that, but this time was an exception. Having had my kids throwing up with a tummy bug for two days meant that I was stuck in the house, mainly sitting on the sofa for 48 hours. To give you a better idea of what that was like, let me just tell you that I watched 9, and that is NINE episodes of True Blood, back to back on Friday. My Spanish friend told me it had good sex in it, so I figured I should give it a go, you know? But, to be honest…the main actress, however hard I tried not to focus on that fact, was pretty ugly and had a very annoying mouth, which was rather difficult to ignore when she was an active participant in all the "good sex" scenes. The sex was a bit silly, especially the scene at the cemetery, where the vampire boyfriend (who was taking a nap in a grave)  grabbed her by the ankle and pulled himself out to the surface; and, straight away, as soon as she realised it was him, they got down to business. I just don't know if that was supposed to be exciting. I thought it was pretty creepy, but maybe I am just getting old for good vampire sex.

Anyway, you get the idea.

We did have a nice weekend planned, and that night, there was a birthday dinner we were supposed to go to. Obviously, with the poorly children, I had to stay at home, and since it was Husband's friend's party, I kindly ( I am like that, you see. ) suggested that he should go alone. And that is how, on a Friday night, I ended up stuck at home, by myself. Bored to death, exhausted by vampire sex, I felt like a drink. 'No problem', I thought to myself, 'I will call one of my compound girlfriends. Someone is surely at home, maybe also bored and wants a glass of wine'. But, of course, that was not the case. People have lives, but most importantly, families have lives. So every single friend I fancied a quick chat and a drink with that night was out with their husbands, at various social engagements. It was, after all, a Friday night.

So, having had three no's I decided to give up, and poured myself a large glass of wine. With a sigh, I returned to watching True Blood. That's pretty much the end of the story as far as my Friday night is concerned. However, it made me think about stuff. I was thinking how difficult it must be if, for whatever reason, your middle-aged life does not quite fit in, does not quite match the rest of them-the others, those people with husbands and children, happily (or not) married, attending events organised by other married people.

I thought of a few of my girlfriends who, at the age over 40, are still single. It is easy to be single when you are young and everyone else you know is mostly single. But at 40? Who do they hang out with on weekends? When everyone they know is busy with family stuff?

I thought of a lovely friend of mine who chose to have two children alone, without a husband. What does she do on Friday nights?

I thought of some other of my friends who recently got divorced. With most of their social circle made up of married couples they'd met whilst still being smugly married, what would they do on weekends?

It is not something that ever occurred to me. How different life would be right now, if I was without the other half. What would I be doing, who would I be arranging to see on weekend nights?

Something that I take for granted on the daily basis- healthy children, an annoying at times yet a pretty nice husband, a bunch of friends with their own children and (annoying at times?) husbands….is actually all part of being lucky. As most of you know, of course, I am not a religious person, so I cannot justify using words such as blessed or grateful for. But, I guess..I felt that night that I should be grateful. I thought of the day when Husband ended up in a hospital, and for a few hours I did not know what was the diagnosis, what would happen next. Just like that, in a minute of your normal routine day, things can change. Someone can leave, or die, or get horribly sick, and this typical social cell you had created can suddenly collapse spectacularly around you. And then, when that happens, do you have people around you who would still want to be your friend? Not during the week, when their husbands are off to work and they can spare an hour before school run to share a quick coffee. But on weekends. Would they be your weekend friends, even if things change? Would you have someone to have a glass of wine with on Friday nights?

I guess for those cases when the answer is 'maybe not'…. there is always True Blood.