Thursday, 25 June 2015

Check it out. Scary Azeri making an attempt at inspirational posting.

                                                          Scary Azeri as a toddler.

I started off wanting to write about ugly people.

You see, I had a fascinating thought (well, I thought it was fascinating but according to Husband it was a mean idea and he stopped me discussing it in front of our children, not to raise them into shallow individuals like myself) about ugly people finding partners to match themselves. I mean, just because you might be ugly yourself, does not automatically make you find other ugly people attractive, right? Or does it? And, if it does, then isn't it beautiful, how nature has its ways of achieving this perfect balance in the universe? And people always have hope to find love, even if they are... well, very very very unfortunate looking? Just a thought, really.

But, hey…Husband's recommendation was such that I should not really so openly demonstrate my shallowness to the world. So instead, I will tell you something else today. Something more inspirational.  ( Even though, I still maintain that ugly people having hope of finding love with other ugly people, and being given a chance to reproduce and make ugly babies together... is a beautiful AND inspirational thought. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing shallow about that, is there?)

I was thinking the other day, as I was getting ready to go out and applying make up, that I am not uncomfortable in my hmm….mature body. I, in fact, quite like it. I am trying to improve it as much as I can, but I am quite grateful for what I have. As I just celebrated my 42nd birthday, I thought that right now, at this moment in life, I probably feel the most comfortable in my skin. I am the fittest I have been in years, I know how to dress to show the best bits and hide the worst, and I know how to apply make up better than ever.

But it was not always this easy.

In fact, I used to be ugly. My mother told me many times how, when she brought me, the newborn baby girl, home from the hospital, my grandmother looked at me, and kindly announced that they had never had such an ugly baby in their family. My mother cried for hours.

So we established that I was never a pretty baby to start with. As a toddler I got away with my looks due to a cute personality and blond curly hair. However, again…Nobody would have called me pretty.

And then...the turning into a young woman started. And it was a painful journey.

I still remember, clearly having been badly scarred, comments and remarks some people made about my looks that made me feel uncomfortable about the way I looked. And, the most ironic part of this is that the very body parts they criticised turned out to be my favourite parts as I became older.

Once at school, I must have been what? thirteen perhaps, when a boy in my class made a comment about the shape of my lips being ugly. You won't believe how ashamed I was of them since then, for years to come! How I avoided bright coloured lipsticks, and how I was worried sick that no boys would want to kiss me. (Ha!)

On another memorable occasion, I was walking up the stairs with a friend, wearing a short skirt when a ( very unattractive!) guy behind me shouted that if I had not had such awfully skinny legs, he would try and pick me up.

Trust me when I say now that skinny legs is not a bad thing when you are 42.

As we girls get older, we always worry so much about ageing, there is so much concern about wrinkles and saggy bits, so many discussions with girlfriends about microdermabrasions, fillers and Botox…that I never really stopped and thought how I feel now about my body, compared to when I was very young.

And when I did think about it, I was pleasantly surprised to realise that, despite getting older, despite at times wondering about investing in fillers and bigger boobs…I am actually much more comfortable in my skin right now than I was years ago.  I love my legs! And my lips. And I don't care if someone does not, which I guess is the most important part.

So maybe, thinking of ugly people…Maybe they are not really ugly. My legs are pretty fucking great. But, to that Azeri guy who preferred his girls curvier and meatier, they were too skinny.

I guess the answer to my shallow question above is…None of us will appear ugly or beautiful to every single person. And sometimes, it is how we feel about ourselves that makes the biggest difference. I just wish I realised that when I was 16. It would have spared me a lot of unhappy moments.

How's that for inspirational writing? Not my style, but I wanted to try it.