Western happiness and "suffering soviets"

Tonight, husband is watching Transporter, with Jason Statham. Wants to know if I find the guy attractive. Well, he is stacked, and can kick a***.
But has no waist. So no, not really. I much prefer Clive Owen.

An expat I knew in Baku has recently moved to the States. Browsing his FB profile, I noticed photos of a new girlfriend and, curious, took a closer look. The girl was pretty and slim, with long hair and legs. All seemed in order, really. But something in her face bothered me. I could not figure it out straight away, but that something was very annoying.

I looked again. Here they are on top of a mountain. Here they are on a boat. Here they are sipping tea… And finally, it hit me. The girl had the most intense expression of happiness on her face. In every photo, she had the biggest, widest, most frantically enthusiastic smile accompanied by very wide eyes.

I wrote to our mutual friend, asking her if she noticed the same. Ah, my friend replied, you don’t get it. She is just American. Everyone there has to act overly-enthusiastic about everything at all times! Oh, an apple! How awesome! Oh, look, a train! Wow, that’s just great! Oh, look at that flower, that is gorgeous!! – kind of thing.

Mentally, I went through all the American friends of mine. Fortunately, none of them had such frantic intensity in their smiles. (I would just have to kill them if they had)

But it just got me thinking about this whole issue of portraying happiness and success in western cultures.

Husband claims that Soviets just love to suffer.

OK, I can see he has a point here. Should you ask some ex-Soviet how he or she is doing, don’t expect a short and happy “Fine”, or “Great”. Be prepared to listen about their mother’s and grandfather’s health problems, as well as what went wrong that morning. Culturally, it is quite okay to moan and complain back home. (Maybe, people there just have a lot more to complain about?)

But I say westerners are losing the ability to express their natural feelings.

Of course it is great to be happy! Everybody loves lucky, successful people. We think, maybe subconsciously, that their luck and happiness would rub off on us.

And it can really get you down being friends with someone who is constantly unhappy.
I knew a girl back home, who was always sad about something: a man, money, weather, politics…you name it. Every time I sat there for a couple of hours patiently listening to her, I felt like a Dementor was sucking all the happiness out of me. Unfortunately, at some point, I just had to get out.

So yes, we love happy people. And in turn, we would like to appear as happy and successful as possible.

And for every society, there are certain standards of that success:
A nice house. A family. Kids. Preferably two. Depending on your social group and the level of income- maybe three. Good jobs for husbands. Nice gardens for wives.

And if you fit in that perfect scenario- great.

But occasionally, I wonder: What if something nasty happens to me tomorrow? What if I get very ill, my husband dies or worse, runs away with an 18 year old, or we lose our house? And suddenly, I no longer fit into this perfect picture?

Would I keep getting invited to all these lovely garden parties and BBQ’s with other happy families? Or would some of my luckier friends start avoiding me, like I avoided that depressed, divorced Dementor (ex)friend of mine?

So yes, as a “suffering Soviet”, I guess I have my concerns with this necessity to appear happy and successful at all times. I am not suggesting being happy is not good. I am just saying: What’s wrong with natural emotions? One day you are happy, another day perhaps, a bit down or just tired, or annoyed with your partner? Or perhaps, your mother in law is driving you insane…That kind of stuff.
And I think it is great to have people around you who understand how you feel and not just expect a wide smile and “I am great, thank you” when they ask how you are. And who would be there for you no matter what happens.