Friday, 7 August 2009

Private Screening for over 18

So I took my mother to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the other night. They were showing it a few times every night, but there was also one special screening for over 18.

I thought perhaps, that meant a full version with spookier effects. Or perhaps, Daniel Radcliffe was going to strip for the ladies again. Who knows? My mother deserves the best. Therefore, should attend that one. Even though it cost more.

Husband, who of course is English, and knows what those guys really mean, warned us not to expect any kinkiness at Hogwards for an extra quid each. It means no kids would be allowed to that particular screening, he explained. So all those sad middle aged fans of Harry Potter could enjoy the movie in peace and quiet.

Mother looked skeptical. I could see she thought she knew better. Mother clearly wanted to go to the ‘over 18’ screening. So I took her.

Of course, I expected it to be empty. I had no idea there would be that many Harry Potter fans of various ages and sizes.

-Look at these weirdos!- I said- They are old! What are they doing, coming to a special screening of Harry Potter?

What about us?- my mother chuckled. Erm....

Moving on.

Just as the film was about to start, a young man walked in and announced loudly:

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Over the 18 screening of Harry Potter and the Half- Blood Prince! Unfortunately, I personally will not be able to watch it with you, but my colleague- Katy, will. So, should you have any problems, please ask for her help!

Katy smiled reassuringly, and took a seat in the audience.

What sort of help were they expecting us to need? How gruesome was this Harry Potter going to be? Would she be prepared to hold our hands? Would she mind if one of those old chaps buried his face in her generous bosom because he was too afraid of the Death Eaters?

Oh, well. I suppose, this was the UK attempt at a private showing for the masses.

In Baku, I used to be a member of a private film club. It was at the back of the cinema, on the very top, with a glass wall to watch the screen from. Oh, what a decadence that was! Wow. I love decadence. I am an Azeri woman. Let me just tell you about that place. It was a small room, with dimmed lights, with a bar in the corner and comfy leather recliners. It had waitresses in short skirts serving beer, wine and peanuts.

That my friends, is what I call a private screening. Not some girl telling you she is there for you during Harry Potter should you have any problems. I have a problem. Can I have my pound back please?


  1. Hahaha... This was funny, yea. Private screening with a baby sitter for the 30 plusers? LOL.

    Glad you didn't write a review about the movie or how disappointed you were with the outcome. So many complained. I don't care, I'm not a fan. I like stories like yours. :)

  2. LOL!
    I really hope you may have your pound back!

  3. I must admit that does sound like a swizz, although having been to a Saturday matinee screening of Shrek (BC - Before Ckids), one shouldn't underestimate the pleasure of watching a film without the screaming popcorn throwing under 18s.

    Regarding the woman who is there for you, it does make you wonder what other films get shown at the over 18s club though...

  4. I've decided to follow you into the blogosphere now that I'm not Lynn's Uncle Bob anymore. It's not very exciting yet, but you can see my first entry. It's, if you fancy a gander.

  5. Sounds like a way to trick people out of some extra cash. A private screening for over 18? How many movies are there nowadays that even release a film version that isn't suitable for theaters? Typically movies like that release a theater friendly version and save the crazy stuff for the DVD so they can get more money.

    There have been times when I wished there weren't kids in the theater with me, like one particular instance when the couple behind me couldn't control their child and that damn kid kept leaning on my shoulder and screaming in my ear. I swear I was on the age of spanking their kid for them and then yelling at them for being worthless bags of meat with no parenting skills.

    So, did the woman in the corner hold any hands?

  6. @northernrich: I look forward to checking your blog out!

    @TalesOC- I personally need an 'over 18 only' airplane to be honest. I always get a kicking child behind me!
    Not sure what she was doing, that woman. it was pretty dark, you know. I bet she was asleep.

  7. Based on my Harry Potter experience, she probably was asleep. I almost slept through it the first time around.

    And... truer words have never been spoken. I've been on long flights next to less than well behaved children and it was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life.

  8. Maybe it would have been sensible to listen to your hubby (for once he was right!), it would have at least saved you a couple of quid and not been so disappointed.

    These are just ploys to extract a little more money to watch films in peace, rather than dealing with unruly kids..although it is sometimes more entertaining than the actual film!!

  9. I think 18+ screenings are a good start. Next step should be a "no-popcorn show". (The smell always drives me mad, and someone inevitably drops their bag on the floor, creating huge mess.) Or how about no-cellphone/blackberry policy? Wait, don't they already do that?