Monday, 5 October 2009

One is an accident, four is an epidemic?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really f***d it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

Little Lion Man (Mumford And Sons)- my song of the week.

We were at a local housewarming party last Saturday night. I was mingling, as you do, you know, and saw this one mommy I knew. A lovely lady. The usual type. Nice, blond. Two small children. I came over and chatted to her for a little while. Normally, if there is any gossip worth knowing, I would know. So, imagine my shock when having asked her where her other half was, I heard a casual, but not at all expected:
‘Oh, he has left.’

Excuse me?

Left? What do you mean ’left’?

‘Oh,- she said. –‘He had been cheating on me whilst I was pregnant with the second baby. I confronted him a few times and he denied it…and then he just turned around and left.’

Oh, my goodness. Poor woman. How terribly scandalous for this posh little commuter village!

To be honest, I was shocked. Back home, I worked for an oil company, and witnessed a lot of that kind of stuff going on. You know. Expats coming on assignments. Young, pretty girls-very friendly. Boring suburban lives (and wives) back home, somewhere in the galaxy far, far away…. The excitement of young exotic sex hits the brain: BAM! Crisis.

But hold on a minute! That is over there. But here? In this lovely suburb, where husbands are so well-trained and obedient? Where they are expected to get up at 7, commute to the city to make money to pay for these ludicrously expensive houses? To return at 6:30pm, bathe the kids and eat their lasagna? Mow the lawn, wash the car and spend the rest of their weekend on ‘quality family time’ with kids… In this well-planned scheme, how on Earth would something like that be possible?

But I guess, the reality is…: s**t happens everywhere.

And I often get this scary feeling, that most of the wives around here are just a little too relaxed.They don’t seem to ever suspect something like that might happen. OK it might, but to someone else. In movies. In other countries. In council houses. But not to them. They got married, chucked away their careers, heels and naughty knickers, had children. They feel it is all sorted now. Forever.

But occasionally, someone rebels. Because most of men, deep inside, hate to grow up.
They don’t want to face the responsibilities. They get bored. They want to see lacy underwear and suspenders. To drive a Porsche, while listening to some cool rock music. But all they are allowed to listen to at home is Travis. And the closest to a Porsche they can have is Porsche Cayenne — a pathetic alternative created for suburban husbands.

And they panic. They feel they have not lived enough. They don’t want to grow old and wear sleepers.

So I guess, I can understand. It is scary how well I can understand.

But I am still sad for that local mommy. Because it is not her fault.

As I said, s**t happens. Sadly, more often than some of us want to think.

Yesterday, talking to another friend in a park, I found out three of her friends experienced the same problem. 'One is an accident', she said. 'Four is an epidemic!'

I guess, it is time to start paying more attention to our husbands….Yeah, right. Who am I kidding?


  1. Are you sure local mommy doesn't have at least a little bit of the fault here? Too many and way too frequent headaches maybe?
    When these things happen, I always think about a shared fault. 50/50. But then again, maybe I'm wrong.

  2. Too right! The funny thing is that women wonder why many men are commitment-phobic. Duh! Young men don't understand this dread of Travis+Cayenne, but have evolved a subconscious primeval fear of it. Make-up, push-up bras and alcohol are designed to suppress this.

    Old men like me and Mr Scary know better so we pick 'em good and everyone's happy. Aren't we? ;-)

  3. @ Gabriela: It is so difficult to explain, but I don't actually think it is the frequent headaches that are the main reason in 90% of the cases. I think that it has more to do with the routine, difficulties, stresses and boredom.

  4. @ Laszlo: I will speak to you in a year's time. :)


  5. paying more attention to husbands always pays back :)


    p.s. greeting from Baki!

  6. or maybe pay less attention to husbands and more attention to ourselves... Why are we so worried about losing them? With a bit of effort each one of us can find a job that pays to become financially independent. It may not be the most prestigious job but better than suffering the humiliation of living with someone who doesn't love, care or respect his own family. The kids will understand because they know sooner than anyone else that something is wrong and suffer more from tension in the home than from a breakup.

  7. Natalia: I totally agree. In theory. In reality though, I am sure many women find it a lot harder. Not everyone has the skills they can sell for enough money to cover all the crazy living expenses, especially around here. With more than one child, a woman is often practically trapped. Childcare is phenomenally expensive, jobs are far away in the city...
    But I do think that too many women forget what they are, once they have "pulled" :)), and rely too much on their partner. And I am not just talking about financial aspect. We all have to remain ourselves.

  8. Thanks for the song! Really! I recently almost f**ed it up!

  9. @Anonymous: Tell us more! We all love a bit of gossip.
    PS I love that song.