It ain't over 'til the fat lady...does it, somehow.

So, we had friends visiting for a couple of weeks. They live and work in the States at the moment, and claim that the carbs there just don’t taste the same.

“It is so nice to be able to taste M&S carbs again!”- They said, and bought half the store's supply of deserts. We spent a week happily eating through it all, but as soon as I thought we were almost there, they went back and brought some more. All I can say is they can come and stay again! But I do feel slightly-how shall I put it?- engorged at the moment.

So, naturally, we talked about getting fat quite a lot. As you do, when you have a huge dinner, say a plov (something I have only recently tried to cook, and,unfortunately, succeeded), followed by some chocolate éclairs. You get the idea.

And whenever I think about very, very fat people, I always wonder about one thing. How do they, you know, do it? Alright, it might not be your typical discussion at the dinner table. But I cooked a nice plov. Me, who does not know how to cook. So, I deserve to choose a topic of conversation. So, I asked, how do you think they do it? Because, it must be physically impossible.

Oh, and have you noticed, my visitor suggested, that the very, very fat women often have very, very skinny husbands? No, I have not, I thought. But, even if statistically that is the case, it still does not make things any easier, in my opinion. I am not talking overweight, by the way. I am talking grotesquely obese.

"Don’t worry", husband said, "If we continue eating like this, we will soon be able to answer that question."

The guest also pointed out that some very, very fat people have to use a towel after using the toilet. I did not even get it at first. A towel? I asked. Why? Oh. Oh, I see! In order to reach.

But not all fat is unattractive, I tell myself, choosing a piece of chocolate to go with my afternoon cup of tea. In certain cultures, some fat on a woman is considered beautiful. Azeries even have a joke on the subject. Something about two men discussing their wives’ backsides. One of them is saying (proudly), that when he slaps his wife’s behind, it wobbles for a few minutes. His friend says: “That’s nothing! I slap my wife’s backside, go to work, come back home and it is still wobbling. “

You see, Azeri men never used to object to their women being slightly on the curvier side, so to speak.

But I don’t know if it is true anymore. I think-sadly?- that the modern standards of beauty, imposed by skinny western celebrities are spreading all over the globe.

The other night I happened to watch a scene from a new Bollywood movie. As a Soviet child, I was raised on Bollywood movies. My Asian friend was shocked I knew who "Seeta aur Geeta" were. ( Or, as we knew that movie: Zita i Gita)

So, I thought I knew what to expect. But things changed in Bollywood, too. Gone are soft curves and rounded shoulders. The new generation of Bollywood movie stars are skinny, with an impressive definition in their arms; their dance routines are more suggestive and their clothes are more extravagant. And I can only assume that wobbly bottoms are no longer considered attractive in Azerbaijan either.

Which is a shame, really, I thought, stuffing my face with a rhubarb crumble, kindly prepared by my mother in law. Honestly. How great would it be to enjoy this gorgeous food and not feel guilty. Oh, well. Back to the gym. Sometime after Easter.