Thursday, 11 March 2010

Lucy has a boyfriend!

Have you heard? Lucy has a boyfriend!

Everybody is talking about it. I first heard of it via a mutual friend in a country far, far away. "Have you heard, she said, Lucy has a boyfriend!"

I then had a voice message left by Lucy on my phone.
"How are you, she said. Hope you are well, oh and, by the way, I wanted to tell you that I have got a boyfriend!"

I then noticed messages she had left on our mutual friends' Facebook pages. Friends in some other countries far, far away. Saying that she had tried to reach them earlier...I knew what it was about. Lucy has a boyfriend now.

So you might ask- So? Why should I bloody care?

Well, you see...this is important. I am happy for Lucy. I also feel kind of proud of my (perhaps slightly Azeri, perhaps somewhat conservative) advice that seems to have helped her in her lingering dating problem. Lucy, you see, is a very attractive, sexy girl. Why, why, why?- she kept questioning-could she not keep a man? They come and go, and never stick around. So I braved to suggest to Lucy to start with one very old-fashioned principle.

Please, I said to Lucy, please just for me. Just try it. When you next meet a man you think you quite like, try not to shag him on the first date. Just try it for me.

When I say you should not "shag him on the first date", that also includes- sorry, Lucy- any other very intimate activities. I know you are a free, independent, western woman in your late thirties, I said. I understand you have needs and desires. I know you are entitled to them just as a man would be. I am not against women's rights to be equal to men. I think it is a great idea. I am just suggesting that in reality, as they say, some people are just more equal than others. And we can claim and fight all we want, but in the end, men are still more equal than us. Lucky bastards. And it is everywhere, isn't it. Men are still getting paid more and get promoted more often. When we have children, we automatically assume that looking after them is our responsibility. "He is such a good dad, my friends would comment on their husbands- "he helps a lot". When they stay at home with kids they are "babysitting". But really, it is not "helping" or "babysitting" when it is your own child, is it.

And when it comes to sex, we girls can never be entirely equal to men. Because, whether we admit it or not, we will always be more vulnerable. However cool and independent our thoughts and desires might be. As long as it is us who can get pregnant or raped, things will remain the same. So,really,all we got in the end, thanks to feminism, is that nobody will hold a door for us or offer us a seat. Result!

And so I said to Lucy: just try it for me. Forget- just this once-about being a free, independent western woman and try to follow this simple rule.

When I finally called Lucy back, she told me, laughing, that I would be very proud of her. "I did not sleep with him for three dates! ", she said
"Wow, I said, Lucy! Three whole dates! That is wonderful! "


  1. I recently read an editorial by a man who said that the chase means EVERYTHING! He was disappointed when the woman he'd been pursuing gave in and made herself too available. There's a lesson in that, I think. Nice story!

  2. As I said in the MagAZine column when asked why some girls keep calling and chasing men: There are some exceptions (to the men loving the chase rule) but those exceptions are usually not worth humiliating yourself for!
    thanks, Tricia.

  3. I hope your friend's name isn't Lucy in real life. Because, if so, you've just told intimate secrets about her personal life. Why would a friend share with the world that their close friend was "shagging on the first date."? I get the point you're trying to make, but outing her on your blog isn't the least bit polite. Absolutely rude! And even you did change her name, all your mutual friends would know. If I were her, I'd never tell you another bloody thing!

  4. Be happy,Lucy,I love u babychka!

  5. @Anonymous: Please calm down! :) I know what I am doing. I really am not that bad, you know? Lucy is happy with it. Lucy's name is clearly not Lucy. A lot of other measures have been taken to change the facts ever so slightly so no, no mutual friends- except for those who got forwarded this by email by Lucy herself!- know who it was. I have quite a few friends, and quite a few of them are single, her age was changed, the location can be anywhere in the world...So, please be assured I know my friends better than you think. :)
    But thank you for calling me rude.

  6. The article is great but I disagree. You sleep with someone on the first date not because you want to have a relationship with them. It applies to both men and women. It has nothing to do with feminism or equality. The problem is that women often dramatize things contributing to their own sense of rejection. Feminism has not gone far enough because many women still don't realize that they are the ones who get to choose.

    As to men who like a chase, well let them run all they want. These people don't know anything about love. You wait because you want to savor every moment and make it last a lifetime. It's not just about another conquest or their ego.

  7. Ah, Natalia, but of course. If all you want is a one night stand, then I think it is totally your right to sleep with whoever you fancied enough however quickly you wish. However, if she was hoping it would lead to something more meaningful and serious, more often than not it would not be a good start, dont you agree?It is all about what you want to achieve. :)

  8. Third date - still too soon, if you ask a very conservative me:) But good luck to Lucy, anyway:)

  9. I read a story on this topic on one of the Russian blogs last week. The lady was saying that men should value her for the sum of her human qualities and not for how available or unavailable she is. I’m a die-hard feminist, but I’m also a realist (& a fan of Desmond Morris). So human qualities aside, men have this primal need for their long-term mates to be reliably “hard to get” for two reasons:
    1. To be sure that potential offspring is in fact theirs. So they are risking their lives chasing the wild beasts in the forest and it better not be to support other man’s immortality.
    2. Ego. Men have huge Egos that are also fragile. Each man wants to believe that HE is the only one who has the mojo to conquer HER. Why? Back to reason #1.
    So there you go. Playing hard to get is a good thing & done right it can be fun. Good job, Scary.