Have you heard? Lucy has a boyfriend!
Everybody is talking about it. I first heard of it via a mutual friend in a country far, far away. "Have you heard, she said, Lucy has a boyfriend!"
I then had a voice message left by Lucy on my phone.
"How are you, she said. Hope you are well, oh and, by the way, I wanted to tell you that I have got a boyfriend!"
I then noticed messages she had left on our mutual friends' Facebook pages. Friends in some other countries far, far away. Saying that she had tried to reach them earlier...I knew what it was about. Lucy has a boyfriend now.
So you might ask- So? Why should I bloody care?
Well, you see...this is important. I am happy for Lucy. I also feel kind of proud of my (perhaps slightly Azeri, perhaps somewhat conservative) advice that seems to have helped her in her lingering dating problem. Lucy, you see, is a very attractive, sexy girl. Why, why, why?- she kept questioning-could she not keep a man? They come and go, and never stick around. So I braved to suggest to Lucy to start with one very old-fashioned principle.
Please, I said to Lucy, please just for me. Just try it. When you next meet a man you think you quite like, try not to shag him on the first date. Just try it for me.
When I say you should not "shag him on the first date", that also includes- sorry, Lucy- any other very intimate activities. I know you are a free, independent, western woman in your late thirties, I said. I understand you have needs and desires. I know you are entitled to them just as a man would be. I am not against women's rights to be equal to men. I think it is a great idea. I am just suggesting that in reality, as they say, some people are just more equal than others. And we can claim and fight all we want, but in the end, men are still more equal than us. Lucky bastards. And it is everywhere, isn't it. Men are still getting paid more and get promoted more often. When we have children, we automatically assume that looking after them is our responsibility. "He is such a good dad, my friends would comment on their husbands- "he helps a lot". When they stay at home with kids they are "babysitting". But really, it is not "helping" or "babysitting" when it is your own child, is it.
And when it comes to sex, we girls can never be entirely equal to men. Because, whether we admit it or not, we will always be more vulnerable. However cool and independent our thoughts and desires might be. As long as it is us who can get pregnant or raped, things will remain the same. So,really,all we got in the end, thanks to feminism, is that nobody will hold a door for us or offer us a seat. Result!
And so I said to Lucy: just try it for me. Forget- just this once-about being a free, independent western woman and try to follow this simple rule.
When I finally called Lucy back, she told me, laughing, that I would be very proud of her. "I did not sleep with him for three dates! ", she said
"Wow, I said, Lucy! Three whole dates! That is wonderful! "