Monday, 7 June 2010

What DO women want?

I wrote this, admittedly light-hearted, piece for Womens' Forum, but they thought it was not serious enough. But here is the beauty of blogging. I can be my own editor, and, as an editor, I say: There are too many people trying too hard to appear serious in this world.

You have most probably seen the Mel Gibson movie “What women want”. It was simple for him to read girls minds once he zapped himself with a hair dryer. But was that movie realistic? I am not talking about the magical electrocution that empowered his mind-reading. Never mind that. Let’s focus on the more important issue here.

What do women actually want? What do we want from these poor emasculated, stressed out, underpaid, overweight creatures we call men?

Let’s be honest. We want everything. Which is a problem, as the society generally expects us to get all that from one person. But realistically, He has to come in a set of five, if not ten different males to live up to our unrealistic expectations.

We want them to be fit. We want them to be hot and handsome. Dangerous but tame. Bad, but miraculously turned good once they met us. Desired by everyone else but faithful. Faithful, but keeping us wondering- just in case. We don’t want to relax, you know.

But that is just about the appearances! You say. I apologize. How superficial of me!

We want them to be smart, of course. Otherwise, we would not want to breed with them, in case our kids turn out dumb. We want them to handle any pretentious conversation at dinner parties with graceful ease.

We want them to be able to fix everything in the house and kill all the spiders. We also would like to know they can kick ass like that vampire guy from Twilight- just in case we need protecting one day.

Most importantly though, when we finally marry our prince, we want him to provide. Because, whatever we say, we like it when men provide us with a financial stability. Does not matter if we ourselves are successful and have a good career-shmareer...whatever. We would like to feel secure and comfortable in our partnership with the chosen male.

On the other hand, should that male get out there to work his arse off in order to keep us in the style we so wish to get accustomed to, we complain. Of course, we complain! Because, most probably, he won’t be around much, will he? He is busy, remember? Making our life secure and cosy.

And if he is not around, how can he spend more quality time with us? How can be bath the kids and read them bedtime stories? How can he take us out regularly during the week to provide all that entertainment, watch movies and party all night long? He barely has the energy to kiss us goodnight.

So much for the romance! But the problem is, we need romance. We want adventure, excitement and passion! We want kisses like on the first date and walks on (preferably Caribbean) beaches.

And finally, if we do actually get it all....we most probably will not want that male anymore. We would just get bored.
Because, we are designed to always want more. And once we have it all, there is nothing left to complain about. And how unbearably boring would that be?


  1. Mark said:

    Hm. Yeah actually, that sounds about right!

  2. Your style always amazes me.
    I am very critic about those women (because not all women, nor men, are the same) who spend time and energy making very bad the life of the guy they have next to them. Those women spend tons of energy trying to be perfect for the guys. and when the girls finally got their "catch", they spend the same amount of time and energy in finding all kind of defects in the same guys.
    Maybe that's why I don't like Sex and the city at all. And maybe I'm totally wrong. And maybe that's why I'm still single.

  3. Women’s' Forum reminds me of Vishka newspaper, the same dry soviet style, the same flat preachy stories. They could have used a little humor for a change.

  4. love this xxxxxx

  5. i love this so so true

  6. amazing! im gonna turn into your fan soon :)) do you have a younger sister by the way? D)


  7. @ Gabby: I am terrified to disappoint you but....I loved Sex and the City. :) Not the movie, the movie sucks big time. But the series made me laugh so hard! I can't relate to any of the girls, and SJP annoys me...but that does not stop me enjoying the show. ;)

    @Nata: That's a bit harsh? :) Don't remember Vishka. :) But think there are some good things about Women's forum. They have their own agenda and certain topics in mind. Also, for the same reason that Gabriela said she hates women like I described, the message of this article did not fit. I can't always produce things everyone likes, right? :)

    @Akbar: No, I am the only child, I am afraid. :)) How long do I have to wait for you to become a real fan then? Gosh, some people are playing hard to get.

  8. It's just as well my wife doesn't read your blog or she'd be writing to tell you how far short of all those qualities I fall. But I couldn't agree more with your opening remark. There ARE too many people trying too hard to appear serious in this world. We need to laugh as much as possible

  9. Interesting, I will have to be more careful talking to you since you got zapped by a hairdryer and now can aactually see into mens heads and appearantly beeter than Mel did into womens.
    Whatever Vishka is they missed out big time.

  10. @Bill: That's good, she wont get too bored then. :)

    @Jay: It is not Vishka, Nata only compared it to Vishka! :)))) I don't remember it but sounds like a Soviet newspaper of some sort.

  11. I think "hate" is a strong word. I'd use dislike better.

  12. There's only one answer to all that.
    Serial dating.
    Bet that's a bit too unboring for most?

  13. @Gabriela: OK. But maybe you have not watched the episodes properly. Try. Watch some and let me know. They are really quite entertaining. Just dont tell anyone. :)

    Bianca: Hello, welcome to the blog, whoever you are. :)
    I agree, in the ideal world, that would be fun. But difficult in reality, because, oops I forgot one more thing a lot of us require for happiness...a commitment from the chosen males. :)
    Males themselves would also object to sharing you with the others. They are programmed to be posessive. Alas!

  14. Vishka (Вышка) wasn’t just any newspaper, it was the main soviet Russian-language newspaper in Azerbaijan, don’t you remember?
    I feel a sneeze coming up every time I read one of those dry stuffy profiles on WF as if I’m reading an old dusty soviet paper. Can’t help it.

  15. Yes, Yes, Yes! Aren't we terrible?!Poor men!