Tuesday, 6 July 2010

About erotic dreams and dead kittens. Not necessarily in that order.

I'll tell you what we are NOT watching tonight. Football. I am possibly one of the few women in the UK whose husband is not obsessed with it. I knew there was some good reason I chose him after all!

I was leaving someone’s house and walking to the gate. They had a few pets in the garden, a very large playful dog (I think it was a Great Dane), a cat and a few chicken running around. As I approached the gate, I noticed a tiny kitten. Really tiny. Possibly only a few weeks old.

I thought it was adorable and was going to pick it up to show to my child when the dog just snatched it from under my nose. He held the kitten in his enormous jaws, and the mother cat hissed and jumped, and I shouted, and shouted and tried to grab the dog.... and the dog just swallowed the kitten. Just like dogs would swallow a stolen sausage when you tell them off- in a hurried, awkward way.

It was a pretty nasty thing to have witnessed. Fortunately, I woke up straight after that.

When I was a child, I had two reoccurring nightmares. One was about the little dog I had then. As if I come up to the double doors leading to our balcony. And notice that my dog is stuck between them. As I rush to open the doors to free him, I hear him bark behind me. Which one is the real dog and which is some spooky thing pretending to be him is the disturbing question.

Another, similar dream was about my mother. As if we are sitting in our old arm-chairs, me reading and her sewing, when I suddenly realize someone is washing up in the kitchen.

'Who is washing up?' I ask her, sort of beginning to worry a little. And my mother stares back, because we both know there isn’t anyone else in the flat.

I get up and go in the kitchen and I see...my mother. Calmly washing up. She does not look at me, she just stands there. So, I retreat quietly and return into the room, and tell my real mother that we’d better leave the flat ASAP.

I am sure there are specialists who could explain why I kept getting those nightmares where my dog or my mother would double up in such a scary way.

I can understand dreams that are caused by something that happens in real life. For example, I watched Snatch in the evening. Would it not be only natural if I made passionate love to Brad Pitt in my dream that night? But noooo, of course not. Instead, a huge dog swallows a little fluffy kitten in front of me.

And speaking of erotic dreams, wouldn’t it be great if we could choose who stars in them? I am almost never that lucky. The best erotic dreams I can claim to have had were during my pregnancy. (Thank you, hormones.) Normally, however, I end up in bed with people who, in real life, would be the most undesirable, unrealistic choices. A very short and very old arts teacher, a hairy chushka at work, or a Japanese wife of one NGO worker I knew socially in Baku. Could not look her in the eye the next day.

So... yes. Dreams can be weird and scary, and bizarre. But then again, I am quite a bizarre person.


  1. Years ago someone told me that you won't dream about things that you daydream about. If you can watch Snatch and avoid even noticing Brad Pitt, maybe you'll have better chances?

  2. Omg you're amazing! I had so much fun reading this..

  3. @Mark: I will try that next time.

    @Anonymous: Thank you, whoever you are.:)

  4. Not only are you bizzare but you are also a hypersexual, bisexual, bizzare woman! Dreams can also signify hidden desires, so the Japanese woman might have something to do with it!

    I surrender. Even women fancy Far Eastern women. I though it was just English men. Now I know I can calmly take my vow of celibacy LOL

  5. @Anonymous: Husband would be very happy if I were, indeed, hypersexual. I am afraid I am pretty normal. LOL
    You mentioned this twice, about English men fancying Eastern women...First, I have to say Azeries are not quite in that group, I don't think.. Neither are we Eastern Europeans. We fall in between.

    Secondly, I don't believe that English men in general have any preference for a particular nationality or race. Men just like pretty girls, preferably with big tits and long legs, and little brain. If you don't fit that category it can be tough, whether you are a white girl or an Asian one! :)

  6. Those are disturbing dreams! I hope I may never have to go through something like that.

  7. I Love your writing!.... Coffee, news and checking your page every morning is slowly becoming a pre-work ritual for me!

    Since I too was brought up in Baku and have been living abroad for a while now, I particularly enjoy discovering the fact that although the cultures of the countries we live in, ie UK and US, are very different, the ways we approach them and things we notice and feel about issues are very much alike....

    Thank you very for all that you do and keep up the great work!

    Lots of love and light from Bakinka and the Big Apple ;)

    Azeri Buddhist.

  8. @Gabriela: You must have had some weird dreams yourself, surely? never?

    @Anonymous: Oh, that is too sweet! Thank you, Bakinka-Buddhistka.:) Love and hugs.

  9. A good reason to get pregnant again.

  10. @Jo: That, and the guilt-free croissants.

  11. Well, sometimes... bur never involve dead kittens nor duplicated mothers.

  12. Hi ScaryAzeri,

    I was reading somebody else's blog (quite boring) when suddenly saw the link to yours..which I've followed about couple hours back and since then can't stop reading!! I am Azerbijani and live in Baku, but unfortunately far away from home at the moment treating my child with leukomia..I would not normally mention this fact to people (especially when nobody asks lol) but just wanted to say that your stories took me away at least for a while from this room in the hospital which has been my new "home" for the last month and will remain such for the next half a year. But, of course, I d stay here forever if it helps my child to recover.. Anyway..
    Thank you for your writing talent,good sence of humour and very sharp yet tactic responce to some critical attacks (in fact i laughed). I agree with most of your sayings although I know this is not your aim (to make people agree with your thoughts) and I think you have not lost your Baku mentality which is not the worst thing to have in most cases!! Please keep on, I am sure it brightens "one of those days" we all are having occasionally. PS: looooolest lol bil vash otvet parnu iz pakistana naschet ego rich and holy Azeri girlfiend, ya vsluh hohotala!!

  13. "First, I have to say Azeries are not quite in that group, I don't think.. Neither are we Eastern Europeans".

    I wasn´t implying Azeris or Eastern Europeans are in that group, I was just observing a trend in London of many men going out with Far Eastern islander (Japanese, Korean, Thai) women. Simple as that. And to make the trend more interesting, these women are super thin, short legged, flat chested and not uneducated so that kind of beats men like big-breasted, long legged blonde bimbos sonce the most popular women in London at the moment are none of the above.

  14. Wow! What interesting dreams you have; you must get them analysed. I just have the boring, predictable ones about losing my teeth (anxiety) and buying a new house and finding rooms I didn't know existed (unfulfilled potential). Although, Daniel Craig has made an appearance more than once in that new house!

  15. @ Anonymous: Well, sexual preferences aren't uniform, but that doesn't mean that a general preference does not exist. Surveys find that heterosexual men value youth, slender waists relative to wider hips, longer legs, and well developed breasts (consider especially the crosscultural surveys by David Buss, or the information available at www.femininebeauty.info).

    However, men are of course different. I've known many men who chase skinny little Asian girls, but I've also known men who won't even consider dating someone who isn't blonde, and others who love very fat women.

    I believe that heterosexual men generally fall into two camps, those who prefer characteristics indicating youth (slenderness, pretty faces, clear skin, fair hair, shyness & submissiveness) and those who prefer fertility characteristics (larger breasts, larger buttocks, sexual aggressiveness). Theoretically men like all traits related to youth and all traits indicating fertility, but some men care more about some things than others.

  16. @S:A I am so sorry your child is unwell. At the same time I guess it is good that you were able to come here and get the right treatment. I hope that she/he gets better soon, there is practically nothing worse for a mother than when our kid is ill! I was also really happy to hear that reading the blog distracted you, and I hope you come back again. Yes, the rich and holy girlfriend comment was priceless, wasn't it?

    @Anonymous: I have a strong suspicion that there are some men who really would,ideally, prefer young boys, but have to settle for a more socially acceptable alternative, so to speak. :)

    @Mark: You have some fascinating way of analazing human beings like wild animals.:))

    @WM: I have dreams about losing my teeth quite often, too!

  17. @S:A Sorry I have no idea why I assumed you were in the UK- you could be anywhere! :) In any case, wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

  18. @scaryazeri

    Thanks for your support and looking forward to read your new thoughts!! And, yes, I am not in the UK, but not too far)). take care

  19. @S:A - I'm sorry I didn't notice your posting. Having been in your position before, my advice is to keep up hope and continue pursuing options as they become available, but also to try to build happy memories. Take photographs and videos when you can.

    Don't let yourself obsess about your child's sickness to the point that you lose sight of your child or yourself - despite the uncertain future you're facing, you are still together now. If your child doesn't pull through, you want to be able to look back on these last months for comfort. But even more importantly, a positive attitude and happy interaction right now can help give your child a better chance to live.

    Good luck.

    @ScaryAzeri - Yes, I think that's one reason I get along with you. Humans really are fascinating animals.

  20. Mark: to @S:A
    Mark, So true and beautifully said!
    I can’t tell you more dear S.A., all the best to your child.

    Scary Azeri: it must be a big joy to know that you are able to born a smile in a troubled heart… Wish you all success in your writing!


  21. @AzOzzi: Yes, of course. But I dont just make people smile. I piss a lot of people off; and there is a special joy I get from that, too. A very different kind of joy :)

    But seriously, when I get comments like that from S:A, it just feels great. Even if it was just for a minute I made her laugh, I am more than pleased with the results.

    Thank you too, for your kind wishes.

  22. Dear Scary,
    Well, I found your blog by searching on the key terms for a virtually identical dream (seemingly gentle black dog eating very frail kitten)...clearly we're chewing over (ugh) similar issues...but what really tickled me is that I used to specialise in the politics of the former Soviet republics, and in particular Azerbaijan!...which I've visited twice (both times in 2004), and with which I'm totally in love (Georgia gets all the good press, but give me Sheki any day)...so synchronicity as far as the eye can see...I'm really looking forward to reading your past and future posts...as well as following your links (I don't know Chingiz Mustafayev, but I'm mad for Gochag Askarov)...
    Vsyevo khoroshevo,

  23. @Wynne: Wow, this is kind of scary, isn't it? :)
    we need to discuss this kitten/dog situation further, you think? :) who needs a professional help when there are blogs out there? Haha

    It is too funny that you came across this looking for a dream explanation and ended up reading about the country you know. What a small world we live in! Well, nice to meet you and hope you enjoy it here.

    Sheki...Ah, I wish I were in Sheki right now!

  24. Hellooo Scary...well, I've been doing some sniffing around (urgh)...dogs, it seems, often represent friends or loved ones...but black dogs, of course, are now also associated by many with depression, thanks to Winston Churchill...meanwhile, cats often represent feminine sexuality, as well as independence...all of these work fine for me: I'm currently struggling with depression unleashed in part by sexual mistreatment by someone I thought of as a friend...depression/antidepressants of course flatten one's libido...so definitely a time when my independence feels under threat...of course, this could all be an enormous wank :-)...I'd be interested to hear what you made of your dream!...

    Anyway, I'm hugely enjoying reading through your back catalogue...very funny and astute, and beautifully written...I foresee hours of fun...

    And you've got me daydreaming of a return visit to Azerbaijan...I've been meaning to go back for years for a holiday...the contracts I was on (for USAID) took me all over the country, but at such a pace that I didn't even have a moment to snap a photograph most of the time!...I'd actually love to spend a chunk of time in Nakhichevan...I have a thing for exclaves :-)...and I've always wanted to do the trip there by bus through Iran (which I could do on my Australian passport--I'm dual Aus/US)...for the first contract, I said "please may I go to Nakhichevan"...no luck...for the second contract, said "please please pleeeeeeze may I go to Nakhichevan"...the USAID section head said "Okay. But if I hear that you've used your Australian passport to go by bus through Iran, you're fired"...damn!...sprung!...

  25. @Wynne:
    Fascinating! So I am depressed or oppressed and maybe both, and Husband is killing my libido and independence? Must talk to him seriously. 

    I don’t know, to be honest, if I believe in reading dreams. I do believe that sometimes we see something during the day and it triggers our imagination; and we then dream of something connected to it...Or something bothers us and our brain deals with it during the sleep? I am not an expert though, so who knows.

    I am sorry to hear you have had such a crap time recently. Maybe a trip to Azerbaijan is precisely what doctors should recommend right now.

    I think there are some Peace Corps guys reading this blog...Maybe one of them will hear your cry and invite you to Nakchichevan? Who knows, eh. No idea why you would want to go there though. I lived in Azerbaijan for 27 years and never had any desire to go there. 

  26. Oh no!...so sorry, dear Scary...it seems that my immediate follow-up to that post didn't make it through the system...in it, I apologized for writing "we're clearly chewing over similar issues"...this is the first time I've ever looked into the meaning of dreams...I've always considered dream analysis a bit flaky...and anyway, I've never really had many dreams that struck me as that wildly symbolic (they're usually really boringly obvious: "You're feeling guilty about not calling your aunt. Have you paid your taxes yet?")...anyway, after a bit of reading, it seems clear that, exactly as you said, dreams are triggered by external as well as internal events, and dream symbolism is highly indirect in any case...so we should never let irritating know-it-alls tell us that our dreams definitely mean such-and-such :-)...rather, it's a process of seeing if any of the major associations resonate...after all, as Freud may never have said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar"...

    Anyway, thank you for the kind words...things are steadily getting better...but I do agree that a return to Azerbaijan could be the ticket!...as for Nakhichevan, well, living in Tasmania has made me really interested in the identity politics of exclaves, whether they're separated from their main political body by land or by water...that whole part-of-yet-apart dynamic takes so many fascinating forms...maybe I'll go on a grand tour: Alaska, Corsica, Sicily, Kaliningrad, Nakhichevan!...okay, back to work :-(...with a few of your posts ahead as treats...

  27. @Wynne: I am serious about getting away...Have you thought of getting a contract somewhere wonderfully weird,like Az? :) A few nights with no shower and no electricity and you will not need any antidepressants,my friend. :)

  28. Hello again dear Scary...well, you're so right that a quick look at how most of the world has to live is the best cure for self-pity :)...alas, elderly parents and a disabled former partner keep me from any long-term overseas contracts right now...and with my current focus, if I do land any short-term contracts in the near future, the most likely destination would be the Democratic Republic of Congo...a few hundred metres below the 'wonderfully weird' threshhold...' wrist-slittingly ghastly' is more like it...you can see why I'm nostalgic for Nakhichevan (come to think of it, the hotel there DIDN'T have hot water...but the hotel keeper had Japanese silky chickens that he was very proud of...each with a little charm against the evil eye around one of their legs :))...anyway, in the meantime I'll keep on reading you!
    Vsyevo dobrovo,

  29. @Wynne: I like you already, just because you said you could not leave elderly parents and a former partner behind. That to me is a sign of a decent person. A lot of people would not care.