Friday, 16 July 2010
I happen to know this man. I am not going to tell you how or where I know him from, because that would not be fair. What if I become famous one day (I know, I am laughing too), and he happens to read this, and thinks ‘OMG! That is my wife she is talking about!!!!’
That would not be very nice, would it. It would just hurt his feelings.
Because what I want to tell you is that his wife is incredibly, undeniably, inhumanly ugly.
Whenever I comment on how ugly someone is, Husband frowns and says that she might be a very nice person. ‘Or very good in bed’, he normally adds.
But this woman is not just average looking. A lot of us are. She is not just ugly either. There is something about her that is so wonderfully weird, I struggle to describe the whole palette of colours I could paint her in.
To start with, I don’t even think she is a woman. I thought long and hard about how I would describe her to you, since I can’t, for obvious reasons, publish her photo. Eventually, after careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that she looks like something in between Danny DeVito and the Incredible Hulk.
I am curious about one thing. I know not everyone is shallow, not everyone cares about appearances,blah-blah. I have some girlfriends who married men I would rather die than sleep with. They must love them, or love their money. Whatever their attachment to their husbands, they must tolerate them enough to sleep with them and look at them every morning without feeling sick. So, I appreciate it is possible. Ugly people can be loved,too. What a wonderful world we live in!
But her....I just want to know: how is that possible?
How did this poor man manage to fall in love with her and have children with her, and just not see that she looks like Danny DeVito?
This is what I am asking. I was telling my friend (who also knows the man) that I was going to blog about it. ‘Don’t’, she sad. ‘What if he reads it?’
I thought about it. And then I realized that it was OK.
Because, if he fell in love with her and had her children, there is absolutely no way he would ever recognize that this posting was about her. Because, if he loves his wife, he must think she is pretty. To him, she must be. He does not look at her and think ‘Oh, my darling little DeVito! You are sooo cute, you remind me of the Incredible Hulk,only very short and with saggy breasts!'
Love is blind, right?
But even if he does realize, what can he say? Would he really come to me and say 'You evil bitch, I know you meant my darling wife. How dare you say she looks like Danny DeVito?!'
Because, I would look at him and smile. And I would ask him 'Why? Do YOU think she does?'
So I am pretty sure I will get away with this.