Wednesday, 5 January 2011

About cold sores, worms and head lice.

Oh no. 

I have absolutely nothing to write about. It is a disaster. Because, that means that one of the following is the case:
  • That my brain is completely eaten by hormones and I just lost any ability to think creatively; or simply to think, full stop.
  • I have nothing going on in my life, not even anything I could whinge or bitch about.
  • I am too lazy, too fat and too tired; and it will only get worse when the baby is actually born.
But, in reality, things have been going on. Things have been very busy in fact, all together and all on top of each other. Christmas, New Year, beginning of the school...too much and too fast. I cant believe that I will be going for my 20 week scan tomorrow. 20 weeks! That is over half way through being an old, sore -breasted fat whale.

So really, nothing to talk about. But I want to talk. You know me. It is like a disease. So, today, I decided to complain about disgusting things that happened recently. You see, being pregnant makes me a lot more sensitive to them than ever before. I find things that are not really that disgusting simply revolting right now. Ideally, I would want to spend my pregnancy in a sterile environment, surrounded by crisp white linen and fresh flowers, drinking organic juice and eating beautifully prepared healthy meals. But my real life is not like that. 

Right now, I am sitting on my sofa wearing what was advertised as an invisible cold sore patch over my lip. 

Of course, it is not invisible. A mummy friend commented this morning that she thought i had toothpaste left on my lip. I was not sure what would be less embarrassing, to have people think I would walk out of the house with toothpaste (or whatever else they might think i had on my lips, depending on their imagination) or a cold sore patch. To be honest, I am not very familiar with cold sores. I never used to get them until just once, a couple of years ago, all of a sudden. Husband wanted to know if I had been snogging men with herpes. But I really had not. The reality is, a lot of people may carry the virus in their system for years, until one day it can just come out.  However, it is still embarrassing, and the patch looks pretty bizarre. Every time I speak to someone I can see their eyes shifting quickly towards it. I assumed people knew about these patches (as opposed to the cream), but as it turns out, that might not be the case. They are just stealing glances, trying to figure out what it is that is stuck to my lip. Almost invisible, but not quite. Almost like a toothpaste but more like a cellophane. Honestly, I am not even sure it is a cold sore but thought it felt peculiar and wanted to catch it at the earliest stage possible. No idea how long  I need to sport this ugly patch to be sure all is clear.

And then, as I drove home from a miserable first day back at work yesterday, my phone rang. It was the friend whose house we went to for the New Year’s Eve dinner. Just wanted to warn me that one of the other children staying over that night had head lice.

My whole body started itching. Back in Baku, at school, I remember the dreaded visits of a nurse who would walk through every isle, checking every head. And boy, did we worry! How terribly embarrassing would it be if the nurse plucked you out of the class and took you away as the source? 

It surprised me to learn that in the UK, it is not the poor neglected children with dirty unwashed hair that are supposed to attract head lice but, actually, the clean ones. Head lice love freshly washed hair.  Not only it is not as embarrassing but also quite common in younger children; and considered almost a norm for your child to pick them up as some point of their early school years. 

That, however, was of little comfort as I spent the evening examining my daughter’s hair.  Fortunately, she seems to be clean. I might want to check myself though, as I keep scratching my head. 

Finally, I am not too keen on cats at the moment. I have always been a dog person anyway, but was deluding myself into believing that I loved all animals. However, over this holiday period, I witnessed something that made me a bit unsure. I saw a cat jump off the sofa leaving a worm behind. Out of its arse, right there on the sofa’s arm. Of course, cat lovers will defend their pets now, saying that dogs (as well as humans) can get worms, too. Well, yes. But, as I sat there eating my desert, I thought that the main problem I had with cats and worms coming out of their backsides was that cats go everywhere. They go on kitchen counters, where food is being prepared. If you turn away for a minute, they would probably lick or nibble on your food (or squirt some worms on it). They walk on sofas where you happen to place your cardigan or a child’s toy. Leaving worms and fleas behind. 

So there you go. There has been a lot going on in my life recently. Parties, nice food and presents. But, behind the scene, there are cold sores, worms and possibly crawling head lice at some point soon. Don’t even start me on my incontinent Rottweiler.


  1. It's quite obvious you have things going on around you. No matter how disgusting you feel those things are, keep the good mood.
    How was your first day back at work?

  2. > That is over half way through being an
    > old, sore -breasted fat whale.

    Pregnant women are hot.
    Especially 2nd trimester pregnant women.

  3. Maybe I'm weird but I enjoyed this, Scary. Not because of your discomfort or distress (I'm not quite as nasty as that - although I do like Gore Vidal's comment 'It is not enough to succeed, others must fail') - no, because from the title onwards, I found it funny. Your honesty, the genuine disgust at these topics was actually fresh. Oh, and I sort of agree with Mark, except that for 'hot' I'd substitute 'beautiful' or 'radiant' or one of those words. (And I bet you don't agree with any of them.)

  4. @Gabriela: First day back at work? It sucked, of course!

    @Mark: I have heard that before. Not convinced. haha

    @Bill: Thanks... I like that Gore Vial's comment, made me laugh. I am still waiting for the radiance to kick in. My nails are not shiny and strong and my face is dry from the cold...other than that I guess OK. :)

  5. Hi Scary! Yay, a new post!
    As soon as I read the bit about head lice I started scratching my head... There's no such thing as virtual lice, is there? :)
    Yea, that worm doesn't sound like a pretty sight especially for the eyes of a pregnant SA.
    You know, I would never believe that Scary Azeri is running out of topics to write about. So please don't make excuses and keep the posts coming or else! :)
    And best of luck with the scan tomorrow.

  6. @Matanat: Hey there, thanks the scan was today and all seems well and in proportion, etc. :) Good to hear.
    My brain is a bit slow at the moment. I am trying my best to remain normal, but hormones do affect us, women in mysterious ways. For example, I always would choose to blog rather than clean the house...right now I just want to clean like there is no tomorrow. Nesting, perhaps. :)

  7. @ Bill: No, I agree with you, but "hot" has that crude, semiliterate flavor I was looking for, like marmite and cheap gin.

    @ Scary: My wife had her 20 week checkup today. She's hot.

  8. @Mark: Wow!!!! That is amazing, we had our 20 week check ups on the same day? When is she due? we must be due almost at the same time, how spooky is that? Congratulations to you both! do you know what sex it is?

  9. Sorry about the cold sore and the inconveniences it caused. Did that make you a bit jealous of Muslim women and their burkas? :-D

  10. Thanks! 24th of May, male, kicks and wiggles like crazy.

  11. @Riyad: You know, I think? it was not actually a cold sore after all. Either that, or the patch worked miracle, but I cant see or feel anything any longer. Maybe I was just being a bit paranoid.
    You know how much I love burkas. Do you get Top Gear in the States? The Xmas special was fantastic! They took the original path to Bethlehem, via Iraq, and, at some point, wore burkas to hide their identities. Of course, that caused a huge number of complaints! :)

    @Mark: My due date is the 25th. It is a girl, again! as I said to a friend, we specialize. So you do, eh?

  12. Cheer up, Scary! For me, you manage to present things in a way that makes it interesting to read you posts, be it another witty comment on the practices that we are used to seeing around us, or a pompous ave to something as trivial as a shoelace :)

    Head lice, huh? I remember getting them at age 5, despite not hanging around kids with unwashed hair. No biggie, it's nothing that can't be solved by an old school can of kerosene caringly smeared on the hair by a vigilant Azeri grandma :)

  13. @ Scary: Yes, we both have degrees in physics, so of course we need all the boys we can get to help us build gigantic robots and orbital laser guns.

    Also, my son is very sad. You took away the pretty snow! He wants to know: will you put it back? Please?

  14. @Mark: I am like a little blogging God in my own tiny blogging world. Today I shall judge upon the snow flakes...Unfortunately, I don't respond to individual requests....The snow shall return next year, before Christmas! Stay tuned! And keep praying.