About cold sores, worms and head lice.

Oh no. 

I have absolutely nothing to write about. It is a disaster. Because, that means that one of the following is the case:

• That my brain is completely eaten by hormones and I just lost any ability to think creatively; or simply to think, full stop.
• I have nothing going on in my life, not even anything I could whinge or bitch about.
• I am too lazy, too fat and too tired; and it will only get worse when the baby is actually born.

But, in reality, things have been going on. Things have been very busy in fact, all together and all on top of each other. Christmas, New Year, beginning of the school...too much and too fast. I cant believe that I will be going for my 20 week scan tomorrow. 20 weeks! That is over half way through being an old, sore -breasted fat whale.

So really, nothing to talk about. But I want to talk. You know me. It is like a disease. So, today, I decided to complain about disgusting things that happened recently. You see, being pregnant makes me a lot more sensitive to them than ever before. I find things that are not really that disgusting simply revolting right now. Ideally, I would want to spend my pregnancy in a sterile environment, surrounded by crisp white linen and fresh flowers, drinking organic juice and eating beautifully prepared healthy meals. But my real life is not like that. 

Right now, I am sitting on my sofa wearing what was advertised as an invisible cold sore patch over my lip. 

Of course, it is not invisible. A mummy friend commented this morning that she thought i had toothpaste left on my lip. I was not sure what would be less embarrassing, to have people think I would walk out of the house with toothpaste (or whatever else they might think i had on my lips, depending on their imagination) or a cold sore patch. To be honest, I am not very familiar with cold sores. I never used to get them until just once, a couple of years ago, all of a sudden. Husband wanted to know if I had been snogging men with herpes. But I really had not. The reality is, a lot of people may carry the virus in their system for years, until one day it can just come out.  However, it is still embarrassing, and the patch looks pretty bizarre. Every time I speak to someone I can see their eyes shifting quickly towards it. I assumed people knew about these patches (as opposed to the cream), but as it turns out, that might not be the case. They are just stealing glances, trying to figure out what it is that is stuck to my lip. Almost invisible, but not quite. Almost like a toothpaste but more like a cellophane. Honestly, I am not even sure it is a cold sore but thought it felt peculiar and wanted to catch it at the earliest stage possible. No idea how long  I need to sport this ugly patch to be sure all is clear.

And then, as I drove home from a miserable first day back at work yesterday, my phone rang. It was the friend whose house we went to for the New Year’s Eve dinner. Just wanted to warn me that one of the other children staying over that night had head lice.

My whole body started itching. Back in Baku, at school, I remember the dreaded visits of a nurse who would walk through every isle, checking every head. And boy, did we worry! How terribly embarrassing would it be if the nurse plucked you out of the class and took you away as the source? 

It surprised me to learn that in the UK, it is not the poor neglected children with dirty unwashed hair that are supposed to attract head lice but, actually, the clean ones. Head lice love freshly washed hair.  Not only it is not as embarrassing but also quite common in younger children; and considered almost a norm for your child to pick them up as some point of their early school years. 

That, however, was of little comfort as I spent the evening examining my daughter’s hair.  Fortunately, she seems to be clean. I might want to check myself though, as I keep scratching my head. 

Finally, I am not too keen on cats at the moment. I have always been a dog person anyway, but was deluding myself into believing that I loved all animals. However, over this holiday period, I witnessed something that made me a bit unsure. I saw a cat jump off the sofa leaving a worm behind. Out of its arse, right there on the sofa’s arm. Of course, cat lovers will defend their pets now, saying that dogs (as well as humans) can get worms, too. Well, yes. But, as I sat there eating my desert, I thought that the main problem I had with cats and worms coming out of their backsides was that cats go everywhere. They go on kitchen counters, where food is being prepared. If you turn away for a minute, they would probably lick or nibble on your food (or squirt some worms on it). They walk on sofas where you happen to place your cardigan or a child’s toy. Leaving worms and fleas behind. 

So there you go. There has been a lot going on in my life recently. Parties, nice food and presents. But, behind the scene, there are cold sores, worms and possibly crawling head lice at some point soon. Don’t even start me on my incontinent Rottweiler.