Thursday, 13 January 2011

Sheep shagging and other strange jokes.

 I was actually going to do a sketch to go with this posting but then thought better of it.

The other night, my friend and I were discussing quite a sick Russian joke someone sent us by email. 

It was one of those jokes we, ex-Soviets, get all the time. Most of them are simply untranslatable into English. Even when we get the meaning across, most of the westerners just give us a blank look back, with a polite and confused smile.  Russian jokes are very strange, indeed. Some of them are simply not that funny, and some are plain weird, but mostly all are offensive- one way or another.

This particular joke was about a Georgian man, who had raped a boy and was standing in front of a Georgian judge.  The judge asked him why he'd abused the boy, and the Georgian man proceeded to explain (in a heavily accented Russian. Most of the jokes in that particular email revolved around Georgian accent.) that the boy was blond, with beautiful blue eyes, straight long legs... 

‘Enough!’ The judge exclaimed. ‘This case is closed! It was obviously the boy’s fault! ‘

So, talking about the joke, and how sick it really was, my friend and I somehow moved on to discussing why certain nationalities back home were more famous for, let’s say, unusual sex tendencies, than the others. 

My friend believed it should have been an Azeri guy in that joke, and not a Georgian after all. She thought that Azeri males were more known for liking young boys, than the Georgians. She explained that she believed it to be due to the influence of the Muslim culture. Horny young guys wanted to get laid, but had nowhere to go- since all the girls were supposed to stay innocent and pure until they were married. A very complicated situation, indeed.

Despite seeing some logic in her explanation, I was not convinced that was the only reason behind those sort of speculations. I am sure, if my memory does not fail me, that both Azeri and Georgian men were mocked for fancying young boys in those old Soviet anecdotes. Georgian men are mostly Christian...So why specifically them? 

Also, what about this country? What about the Welsh men being  famous for, pardon my French, sheep shagging?

Why is that? Where, I wonder, is this national hmm...characteristic coming from? Because, surely, Welsh girls do not have the same Muslim-culture-keeping-your-virginity- for-your-husband problem. So why sheep? Are there meant to be more sheep in Wales than available women? Are the welsh women supposed to be less attractive than the sheep? 

I felt compelled to ask husband, especially considering that, despite being English, he spent most of his childhood living in Wales. The discussion moved on to us trying to figure out whether sheep shagging should be legal or illegal. Is it an abuse of an animal? Does it make any difference if the sheep is owned by you, or someone else? Most importantly, what if the sheep consents?

'I guess...' said husband, ' If a sheep could express its willingness, they would not have to do it on the edge of a cliff.'
I looked at him questioningly, and he happily explained that you do it on the edge of the cliff so the sheep pushes back. 

Hmm....Clearly, a childhood spent in Wales had some very disturbing impact, if you ask me. And yes, a proper lady would have probably left the room at that point. As for me, I thought it was pretty funny.


  1. I would LOVE it if you would tell us some Russian or Azeri jokes, even if you have to explain them :)

  2. OK. Maybe I will! In the next posting. Let me gather a few of my personal favourites. or the weirdest ones I have ever heard. haha

  3. I laughed out loud when I read the last words... so maybe I couldn't be qualified as a proper lady.
    How is everything going with you?

  4. @Gabriela: All is OK, thank you! x

  5. scary, now jokes aside, it is a common practice in remote villages of our glorious land - azerbaijan - for men to lose their virginity to sheep. wondering welsh and azeris must have something in common, only that our sheep r more curvy :)


  6. @limerent: Really? A common practice? I thought it was with other boys rather than sheep but I am definitely not an expert in the area. :)

    Hey, hey now....let's not get competitive about our sheep and how sexually attractive they are. Welsh people might have a problem with your statement!

  7. ummmm.... u didnt mention if its a male or female sheep. it matters a lot i assume.. :-)

  8. @anonymous: Well,I don't know? Perhaps, it depends on a sexual preference/orientation? :)

  9. Hi Scary!
    Re limerent's comment, I agree with him/her. There're indeed some sick men in Azeri villages who do that. But it's definitely NOT a common practice. It's actually embarassing but I'll still tell you. There was this ... dayi in the village where I grew up. He was a shepherd and was apparently doing it with the sheep and cattle. Not only that, he, in general was a very horny man. He had a wife but whenever he saw young girls his eyes would light up. Everybody in the village knew that and tried to keep away from him. My parents warned us about him as well. Oh, we all hated him. What a creep!

    But the most fortunate thing in all this is that you did not do the sketch as intended. Knowing you, I imagine you must have put a lot of effort to resist the idea :)

  10. Your should know, too, Scary, that the practice you're describing is not exclusive to the Welsh. One of the songs sung to the tune of Guantanamera by supporters of football teams playing against Aberdeen (and several other clubs from places considered to be rural or unsophisticated)goes:

    Sheep-shagging bastards,
    You're only sheep-shagging bastards.
    Sheep-shagging baaaaaaaastards,
    You're only sheep-shagging bastards.

  11. @Bill: Yes, true...New Zealand as well, I think. So, you think it is the places that are rural and unsophisticated that get associated with sheep shagging?

  12. Seems that way, Scary. I should have added, though, that Aberdeen supporters have taken to carrying toy sheep with them, or cartoon sheep to wave, when they go to away matches.

  13. Haven't been to your blog in ages, and you still have wonderful stories to tell! I have been reading them the whole morning! Your hormones made you an even better storyteller:) By the way not far from Baku there is a village. The inhabitants are famous (or rather infamous) for homosexual relations. The joke I have tried to translate from Azeri features those people: "Do you know that Mammedaga (masculine name) is LESBIAN?" "What are you talking about?!" "I swear to god, I have seen him with a woman." Talking about stereotypes: for Woody Allen, sheep shagging folk may live in Armenia. One of the segments in his "Every Thing You Always Wanted to Know About Sex" is about a doctor (Gene Wilder)who falls in love with the partner of an Armenian patient ... a sheep. The patient talks about the Armenian mountains that are so beautiful and are suited for romantic love.

  14. @sofisticos: Ah, see, you should have not left me!
    I love that movie (everything you wanted to know about sex....etc)! It is fantastic. and I remember the sheep love story. do you also recall that last scene when he stares at a chicken in a shop? too funny.
    but I forgot the reference to armenian mountains? Clearly, it is not just Azeris and is the whole Caucasus region, eh. See? Peace is possible- there is so much in common after all! haha