Well, well, well... It is a very exciting time right now for those Azeris who think Eurovision is cool. Finally, despite the usual suspicious vote counting and some serious complaints sent to the Eurovision panel, the finalists for the next cheesy show have been chosen.
What can I say? It is an interesting choice. I would suggest a very smart one. Because, we are now covering all angles and trying to appeal to all important groups in the audience, so to speak.
There is a young and innocent, Justin Bieber (or some X Factor boy band contestant) type boy. He is fresh and, from what I heard, can actually sing. In some of his photos he seems to be wearing too much make-up, which makes him look strange. But that made me wonder if Eldar’s sexual orientation (do they even have a defined sexual orientation at the innocent age of twelve?) is purposely unclear enough to attract the gay votes. And the gay population forms a very large and influential audience of the Eurovision across the world. Tick!
Don’t forget that, because he is young and cute, he will also be getting the back-up of all those teenage girls, too. Tick!
What about men, you might ask, who prefer sexy, less innocent ladies?
For the female sex appeal we give you the other half of the duet. Sexy, good-looking and suggestive, the lady singer has not got much of a vocal talent going for her, but since when would that be a problem for this contest?
Talking of Nigar Jamal’s looks, I was wondering if there is some First Lady Lookalike trend building up in Baku at the moment? The look to ask your plastic surgeon for, if you can afford it. In this particular photo below, Ms. Jamal looks disturbingly like the first lady. Only more approachable.
So, with a face resembling the first lady, and the Jenifer Lopez style backside, our female contestant looks pretty hot. A few Azeris were also impressed with her ‘perfect English accent’. Not sure what an accent has to do with singing, but it clearly impressed some fans.
Of course, no major event like this would go smoothly in Azerbaijan. People are either in love with the new representatives, or get annoyed at the way they were chosen. According to my (reliable, of course) sources, Nigar won pretty suddenly: without the majority of votes or going through the official competition stages. ‘Shhh!’ someone told me. ‘Don’t say that on the blog, she is well protected, you know?’ So was Safura last year, as I heard. In fact, this is the sad reality of Azerbaijan. As soon as someone makes it, people assume- sadly, often correctly- that they must be well-protected.
So here we are, back to Eurovision again. Can’t wait to see the unlikely pair on the stage. I would imagine they would do really well. Personally, I would suggest a seduction of a virgin boy scenario. The duet could be called The Sinner & The Saint. An innocent young boy, probably gay but still refusing to admit it even to himself, gets seduced by an older, experienced sexy lady. Add some drip-drop of tears, some semi-naked dancers, votes based on political and geographic location and some expensive world-known choreographers and we might stand a good chance. Again.