'Size matters', said the Blue Whale to the Common Shrew

I need to confess that my humour is that of a 12 year old boy. Things that I find funny are so often crude and immature. Fortunately, I don’t like fart jokes or other forms of toilet humour. However, I realize that what I consider funny has no place in a lady’s mind.

You can sometimes get a glimpse of this 12-year old boy trapped in the 35+ year old woman’s body when you hear about some of the movies I enjoy watching.

At work, I happily exchange quotes from Don’t Mess With The Zohan with our young male secretary when nobody else understands, and laugh over and over again. The reason other people don’t understand is because they are mature and sensible. Movies like Don’t Mess With The Zohan are not their idea of fun.

'You must watch Due Date!' the secretary tells me, and I advice him not to miss The Other Guys.

And then, Husband tells me I don’t read enough news. He says I am not interested in what is going on in the world. That is totally untrue! I do and I am. Only yesterday for example, I was excited to learn the fact that the female blue whale is the species with the biggest vagina. Allegedly, it measures between 1.8 and 2.4 meters in length. In comparison, the whole of me is only 1.64 meters, and that is if I stand up straight.

That (pretty cool) fact got me thinking further about stuff. I wondered how well endowed a male blue whale must be. Of course, I had to Google it. Which turned out to be pointless as, of course, impossible to know. The only way to find out would be to measure it whilst the blue whale is… you know, excited. Which I assume nobody but the female blue whale would dare to a) provoke b) investigate. They can only assume that it is around 2.4 meters long.

‘Did you know?’ I followed husband around the kitchen ‘that the smallest penis belongs to a common shrew?’ Husband looked at me with what was almost a sad expression. He must often ask himself what it would be like to have a normal wife.

‘But listen,’ I added, still hoping to impress him with my knowledge. ‘Did you know about the spiny anteater? Well, a spiny anteater has a 4- headed penis. Interestingly, he does not use all four heads at once, but can use a different set of two every time!’

 ‘No, I did not know that.’  Husband said ‘But I suggest you Google Koala and Komodo dragons’. So I, of course, did. Never knew they had two penises each!

But, that is some fascinating stuff! No wonder my respectable in-laws watch endless nature programs on TV.